The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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