I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
