Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
