Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
