foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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