she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
