GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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