I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you didnt know i had herpes?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
