I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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