ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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