I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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