This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
