If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
