I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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