I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
