You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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