Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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