before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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