Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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