my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
