Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
