Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
