I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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