you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
