I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
