she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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