Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
