i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
