final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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