i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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