hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
