How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
