cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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