Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
