Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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