Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
