Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He passed out mid-signature
My vagina just recognized that song.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
