I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
