Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
