I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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