Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
