I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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