I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
