OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
