Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
