I think scott just propositioned me for sex
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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