Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
