hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
