Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
