i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He felt like a one man threesome
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
