I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
