i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
