I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
